Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
