you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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