I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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