The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We are two peas in an std pod
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
