He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
