my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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