whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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