He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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