there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
