I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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