i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
