...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
