They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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