We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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