Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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