I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
