those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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