need another drink. this is the easiest way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
