My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
