You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
