There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
