I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize