I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
