I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
