I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
