You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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