in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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