What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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