you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So vagazzling was a success
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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