I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there was a trapeze. enough said
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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