My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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