There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
