Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
