During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
