the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
