No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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