Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
