how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
