Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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