somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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