Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All the doctor said was why
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
