she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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