Yo dont text me then not text me
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
