I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
