I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
