my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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