I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
