You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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