Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
