I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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