Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize