Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
