how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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