cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
