I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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