How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
