i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
