Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
