How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
