Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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