I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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