I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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