I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
