My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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