why didn't you poke me back
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
