I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
