Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize