girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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