true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
