two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
