just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
