i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
