They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
