i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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