I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
